How do you become a Douglas local?
Guest Column
Along with many other Queensland residents, I am an ex-Victorian.
I was quite happy living in that cold, grey place until Dan Andrews and his lockdown-mania convinced me to become a Covid refugee, and bask in the relative freedoms those in Queensland enjoyed, which were denied to the good people of Melbourne.
After arriving in Port Douglas by car, and enjoying the weather, laid-back atmosphere, and the fact everyone follows AFL, my family and I very quickly decided we would rather stay here than return to Bleak City.
That was nearly six years ago. I go back to Melbourne very frequently – I was there the other weekend to watch Essendon not turn up on Anzac Day, but as I always say I am happy to visit but happier to come back to Port.
Shaun the editor of Newsport recently asked me if I would contribute a guest column, something to stimulate debate. It took a minute, but I thought I would put out there one of the things that really shits me about being up here – that after six years I am not, and probably never will be, a local. The question I put to you reading: what is a local and how does one become one?
Time and time again you can see on our local Facebook pages whenever anyone has a differing point of view, comments that are a variation of “F off down south”, “P off southerner” or “if you don’t like it, go back to Melbourne”.
Some people have used similar phrases towards the moron who recently threw some kids’ fishing tackle into the water, despite them catching and releasing a shark. Yes, she is a clown. No, you cannot be sure she is from Melbourne. Why is that the first thing people think? The most popular eating fish in Melbourne is flake, aka shark. We love killing and eating the things. But, I digress.
Having lived here for nearly six years, schooled children here, contributed to the local community, done some volunteering and drunk plenty of beer in establishments that warrant my patronage (ie. not the two major pubs!), can I not say that I am local? Can these insults still be thrown my way? Can anyone still tell me to “F off back to Melbourne” (by this stage, I’m sure plenty of you are thinking this).
The irony is that it is southerners who have made the town what it is. Yes, old mate Skase turned a fishing village with nothing going for it into a global destination. Then he grabbed every Sydneysider and Melburnian with two cents to rub together to come and visit this idyllic place. I was a frequent visitor as a kid, flying on Compass Mk 1 and 2, for those who remember. Back when the Marina was a destination, not a rotting heap of firewood that is an embarrassment for the town (it’s the first thing every cruise boat passenger sees when they arrive FFS!).
More visitors means more prosperity for local people.
So why the hatred of southerners, those who provide the bulk of the primary income source of the Shire – tourism? It’s such an easy cop-out insult that really denies the history of the region. Most of you were from “down south” at some point in your family tree. You’re really just sticking it up your forebears.
Also, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that it is often substantially cheaper for a southerner to holiday in Bali, Fiji, Southeast Asia and (rarely) Hawaii than it is to fly the three hours to get here. We have reached a tipping point where a holiday in Port Douglas rarely makes economic sense. Expensive hotel rooms, outrageous pub prices (at the Courthouse and Central), and about $60 just to cross the river and get an ice cream, in your expensive rental car!
These days, any new visitor from Melbourne should be feted like a rock star – they could easily have spent their money somewhere else, but they decided to spend it here. And if they really like the place, they might like us decide to stay, further contributing to the local community and making it more of a place for locals than a place for itinerants.
So next time you wonder why some mealy-mouthed arseclown from a southern city expresses an opinion different to yours, remember that they might be helping put food on your table, and keeping your exorbitant rates just that little bit lower. And they might just have some good ideas.
Can I call myself a local yet? Probably not and probably never, as I didn’t grow up here. Can I now tell other people to “F off down south” if I don’t like what they have to say?
Yeah, why not.
David Haratsis lived in Melbourne for 42 years, before making the move to Port Douglas. As he works from home, he has plenty of time to think about local issues, muckrake and nitpick. He was also a mayoral candidate at the last Douglas Shire Council elections.
The opinions and views in this column are those of the author and author only and do not reflect the Newsport editor or staff.